My love often chides me for being so much older than she. “What were dinosaurs like when they first came out of the ocean?” she often asks. “Did they chase you?”
I always scoffed at people complaining about “age discrimination” but now I’m starting to feel it. I don’t feel old inside. I still feel the same way I did when I was, oh, 24 or so, but 24 year olds don’t consider me an equal. They look at me and think, old guy.
I hate the fact that I can’t hang around with people who are the same age as I feel mentally, because I don’t want anyone thinking of me as the “creepy old guy who keeps hanging around.” Here on Xanga I hide my age for the same reason. But that’s like lying, so I am going to give up and just let it be known.
I’m 46. I know that’s not really as old as dirt, but I look older than that. My eyes are wrinkled at the corners, my beard has gone almost completely gray, and I’m graying at the temples. My love, fortunately, thinks it’s sexy … but she has industrial strength love goggles on. I could be a clunking metal robot and she’d still think I’m sexy.
I can’t tell you how many times I picked up one of those boxes of hair color for men so that I can dye my beard. I discussed it with my love the other night and she said, “If you really want to try it, go ahead.” I keep backing out. I keep thinking, I am what I am.
And that’s the truth. I would rather be who I am than fake being someone who I’m not. Even if I’m shunned for being old.
For you younger people out there, please remember … older people are just like you inside. They’ve just been here longer, that’s all.