Older than dirt

My love often chides me for being so much older than she.  “What were dinosaurs like when they first came out of the ocean?” she often asks.  “Did they chase you?”

I always scoffed at people complaining about “age discrimination” but now I’m starting to feel it.  I don’t feel old inside.  I still feel the same way I did when I was, oh, 24 or so, but 24 year olds don’t consider me an equal.  They look at me and think, old guy.

I hate the fact that I can’t hang around with people who are the same age as I feel mentally, because I don’t want anyone thinking of me as the “creepy old guy who keeps hanging around.”  Here on Xanga I hide my age for the same reason.  But that’s like lying, so I am going to give up and just let it be known.

I’m 46.  I know that’s not really as old as dirt, but I look older than that.  My eyes are wrinkled at the corners, my beard has gone almost completely gray, and I’m graying at the temples.  My love, fortunately, thinks it’s sexy … but she has industrial strength love goggles on.  I could be a clunking metal robot and she’d still think I’m sexy.

I can’t tell you how many times I picked up one of those boxes of hair color for men so that I can dye my beard.  I discussed it with my love the other night and she said, “If you really want to try it, go ahead.”  I keep backing out.  I keep thinking, I am what I am.

And that’s the truth.  I would rather be who I am than fake being someone who I’m not.  Even if I’m shunned for being old.

For you younger people out there, please remember … older people are just like you inside.  They’ve just been here longer, that’s all.


13 thoughts on “Older than dirt

  1. Forty six?  That’s not so bad.  I’m 24 and one of my best friends is 38.  Age really is just a number.  I say, be proud of your age and your gray.  My dad started going gray about 10 years ago, and he tried coloring his hair.  Didn’t work for him.  It turned it a very bizarre grayish green.  Plus, your love has industrial strength love goggles, so what does it matter?

  2. Ah, as an almost-45-year-old myself, I can definitely relate to this post.  I never feel like I perceive a 45 year old to be.  I may be more mature than a 20-something, but that doesn’t mean my interests are all that different.  I see myself more stuck in my early 30s. LOL… with my music tastes still lingering in the 1970s …  hah!
    The funniest thing happened on Monday, though.  I was with M, getting her double-pierce in her ears, and saw the EXACT pair of earrings I had back in the 80s.  EXACT … and it wasn’t your usual pair of earrings: they were peacock feathers!  I just stood there staring at them and thought, “This isn’t even RETRO… I should have kept mine!”  Who’d have thought the idea would even have stuck around that long… and the same pair would show up 30 years later (omg… 30?.. okay 25…)  hahahah…
    Here’s to our age:  having lived it, and still loving it.

  3. It must be the age?  When men age they are thought of as distinguishes.  We women are just older.  But thanks to our current role models we have the permission…to dismiss age all together!  I certainly give myself permission to be who I am in the moment. I am constantly rethinking “age” I loved turning 40 and soon I shall be 48…what does that mean…it means I am wiser, more loving, more compassionate, more creative, and I can where ponytails if I want to!  I love bib overalls and wearing hats and scarves, and lungies and sarongs with tee-shirts and flip-flops.  I love being ~ 47 ~  
    Your beloved, is a wise woman!
    Mz. Liz

  4. Ironically, I’ve been dealing with the reverse for years. People my age (I guess I should say ‘our age’ (LOL)) think I’m ten years younger than I am. I have no idea why. I was even carded recently, believe it or not. And, while I should feel complimented, it just irritates me. Of course, you know me… Everything irritates me.

  5. My friend, in this regard I am so much like you.  I’m a kid inside, but old outside.  And yes, I am paranoid about being percieved as the creepy old guy.  People (any age) think I’m either interesting, strange or an enigma.  But like you, I am what I am.  46.

  6. The older I get the more I realize that you’re right–we don’t change as much inside as we perceive (when we are younger) that people change as they age. I know I’m not that old yet, but I am starting to get it.  

  7. I’m 46 too and I agree – aging is a strange process. When you’re young it’s hard to imagine getting old, being old, looking old. Then suddenly it’s here – or on its way at a rapid rate! I mean – when you’re 18 you want to live forever but you just don’t see that including wrinkes, decrepitude and possible senility. And the strangest thing is that gradually you start to become ‘invisible’ because so much of our culture is about youth and beauty. I’m kind of revelling in it in a way. So much of my youth was spent involved in religious drivel, fear and self-consciousness, that now as a middle aged atheist, I feel much more self-assured and know myself better and my place in the world. I don’t even mind being less visible. I think the fear of being old is what we have to fear the most, so I am determined to sail into my dotage without trepidation and as it says in ‘Desiderata’ surrender the things of youth gracefully. If my parents are anything to go by, old age can be a blast!

  8. haha – I love the way you and your lady-love joke (the robot comic the other day just about slayed me).  Age, age, age – it’s a toughie, and I think our perception of it constantly changes as we, of course, AGE!  I mean, your spirit may be similar, but it’s even better, cause you’ve still got about 20 years of EXPERIENCE over me!  I’ve had much older friends and find that while I connect with them just as well as with younger friends, I’m always amazed and thrilled at them sharing some of thier just broader life experiences, travels, bunches of more shizz they’ve been through, both good and bad.  Pretty cool – another of the reasons I love xanga.
    And everyone who meets me thinks I’m ten years older than I actually am : (   While this used to be flattering when I was in college (when my hubby, a senior met me, he didn’t realize for 3 solid weeks after we’d been hanging out that I was only an 18 year old freshman!), it’s getting a little old now that I’m being mistaken for my early thirties.  Though when I start going grey, I figure I’ll have all the more incentive to color it purple.

  9. Age is relative. As far as I’m concerned you can be old at 20 or young at 80. It has more to do with the way you live your life than your actual numeric age.

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