An interesting question…

LadySavina and I were talking after lunch today and we stumbled upon an interesting question.

Can you choose who you fall in love with?  I mean, really truly in love?

Oh, and everything is going well up here.  LIFE IS GOOD!

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14 thoughts on “An interesting question…

  1. Yes.  You can.  In a sense.  If you decide that the person you are “looking” for has to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have gone to this school, believe this, hold their fork and knife “correctly”, ad infinitum prerequisites . . . then a perfectly wonderful person who you might have fallen truly deeply in love with is over looked because they don’t fit inside the extremely small box you have predefined for yourself. But if you are open and can accept differences and can work together toward a future you open a far larger world of possibilities.

  2. I agree with jada_marnew to a point.  You can easily miss an opportunity for love or friendship by inadvertently judging a person before you actually get to know him.  I’m not of the opinion that there’s one person for every other person, but I do believe in Kindred Spirits and in special connections in the Universe.  I don’t believe that if you miss an opportunity with “The One” that you’ll be afforded another, just like I don’t think everyone you could be close friends with will continue popping up in your life until you befriend them.  Sometimes there’s only the one shot.  That’s why it’s so imperative to be open-minded until you know a person’s character.  It’s tragic to think of all the people you could miss out on loving.

  3. I think there are some who can choose, and others who fall (into … and out of) love. I’ve never quite comprehended the choice of love as much as the choice of commitment.  I totally get the choice of commitment even if you fall out of love, but … I don’t know how you can choose to feel something.

  4. As thinking, reasoning animals with ‘free will’, we can make any choice we wish… Though that doesn’t mean our choices will turn out the way we expect them to. There are those in arranged (i.e. ‘chosen’) marraiges who grow to love each other, there are those who marry/mate for love and end up despising each other… Bottom line, life is complex, we can only control so much, and every choice we make is subject to the influence of an almost infinite number of variables, causing the outcome of said choices to be uncertain. Or, as the Taoist in me might say, “Life happens”.

  5. Superficially yes, I believe you can choose who you love, and if you are shallow then that may be based on certain pre-selected criteria.  Or you can “fall in love” with a person once you get to know them, but at some level, that is a choice, because you have chosen to pursue a relationship with that individual, thus allowing a deepening of feelings.  However, I do not believe that the sort of fundamental, essential, soul soaring, storybook, madly truly deeply forever and ever type of love, and the one that hits you from no where; unbidden, sometimes unwanted, is a choice.  It is simply THERE.  You can choose whether to act on, to pursue that love, but I do not believe that you have the choice in how you feel.  It is tantamount to trying to hold the tides back; turn off the sun or reverse the moon.  Furthermore, I am not sure that I believe the heart will allow you to deny something that is so pure and true, and if you do……… it is no small co-incidence that the worlds greatest tragedies are tales of lovers who either tried to deny their love or were denied it, by some other means.

  6. I do think that LetMeGoToo has an excellent point about commitment though. Too many people who were once “in love and then fall out of love” simply walk away from their commitments.

  7. I don’t think you choose who you are attracted to, either you’re attracted or not.  But I think love IS a choice.  I don’t think love is feeling, love is choosing a pattern and commitment and behavior that blesses your loved one regardless of how you feel at any given moment.  Now, I also believe that it’s much much easier to make that choice and do that behavior when your loved one is making similar choices to bless you.   

  8. I don’t even know what “falling in love” means, really.  If it means what everyone tells me it means, then I fall in love daily and, believe me, It’s not something I choose to do.

  9. To me, there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love.  Falling in love is an acute thing — it’s powerful, not fully explainable, and not necessarily sustainable.  This sort of thing is not chosen.  Being in love is something more long term — it’s about two people understanding each other, sacrificing for each other, enriching each other, and reinforcing each other.  Being in love is also powerful, but it requires commitment.  I believe that you can choose to be in love with someone — which may or may not involve the process of “falling in love” . . .

  10. I think that depends on what you mean by choosing. I think we can put ourselves in a position to fall in love with a specific person or a specific type of person, but I don’t know if we have that much control over our emotions that we can simply determine if we do or do not love someone.

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