For the first time in I don’t know how long, this morning I’m actually doing some work on my novel.
My question to you, my trusted friends: Does this sound like an outright info-dump, or two guys talking about a controversial subject about which they both share a passion? The information itself is a key part of the plot…
“Read my lips,” Leon said, “it is mis-trans-lated. Can you say that? Mistranslated. Misssss-transssss-lated.”
“What’s mistranslated?” Jon asked.
“He’s saying that Jesus changed water to beer, not to wine,” the blond man said.
“That’s true,” Jon said. “References to Jesus changing water to wine is misinterpreted. He was a holy man, a priest, and one of the normal everyday duties of a priest was to brew beer for weddings.”
“Exactly!” Leon exclaimed. “Beer is what they considered Holy Water.”
“When the scriptures refer to Jesus changing water to wine, he was brewing a simple beer.”
“Not only is that blasphemy,” the blond man said, “it’s ridiculous!”
“No it’s not,” Jon said. “It’s well documented — but, as you can tell, it’s not very popular. People don’t want to hear it.”
“You know why it’s not popular, don’t you?” Leon said to Jon. “The wine industry has been doing its best to discredit this knowledge for two thousand years.”
“Oh, that’s rich,” the blond said, rolling his eyes. “A wine conspiracy against beer. I suppose space aliens gave the beer knowledge to Jesus, right?”
“Beer was discovered thousands of years before Christ,” Jon told him. “It’s the product of wet bread.”
“It was around before wine,” Leon added.
“Oh, definitely,” Jon said. “The accidental fermentation of bread is most likely what caused man to search for other things to ferment, which then lead to wine. Even coffee berries were used to make a fermented beverage hundreds of years before someone figured out how to brew it as coffee.”
“And it all started with beer!” Leon smacked his hand down on the bar, like a judge pounding a gavel. “Beer is Holy. We even have a monk that comes in here and drinks it.”
“You guys are wacko,” the blond man said. He got up, leaving his full mug on the bar, and walked out.
“Fuck him,” Leon said to Jon, “goddamn wino.”